By Frank Cerabino — Palm Beach Post Staff Writer
Robert Kortenhaus was hoping I could get to the bottom of his problem. “I do not own boxer shorts and have never worn boxer shorts in my entire life,” the 75-year-old condominium resident complained. Kortenhaus was telling me about what he calls “The Boxer Short Episode,” a bit of condominium enforcement that has placed a “notification of violation” letter in his file. Kortenhaus lives at Southporte in Jonathan’s Landing, a 13-story condominium in Jupiter. “For over six years while living there, I have been the individual who goes to the lobby at approximately 5:30 to 6 a.m., sorts the newspapers for the entire building, and then delivers some papers to three floor locations up to my unit,” he said. Somebody took issue with his attire when he makes his early morning newspaper deliveries. “It’s just a regular bathing suit,” Kortenhaus said. “You get out of bed, you brush your teeth, you put on a T-shirt and bathing suit and distribute the newspapers. Everybody’s got two or three bathing suits.” But the violation letter cites Kortenhaus for underwear, not a bathing suit. “When leaving your condominium, please wear proper attire,” the letter says. “Wearing just boxer shorts in any of Southporte One’s Condominium Association Common Elements except you (sic) unit is not exceptable (sic),” the letter says. “This is offensive and interferes with the rights, comforts and convenience of the other unit owners.” Comfort and convenience of other unit owners? Kortenhaus is taking it upon himself to spare them a trip to the lobby to deliver the newspapers to their doorsteps. “Maybe your bathing suit looks like boxer shorts,” I said. “The ironic part of this situation is that, sometimes I wear the same T-shirt and bathing suit to the swimming pool area and there has never been any complaints about what I was wearing,” he said. “Many of the women in the building wear bathing suits and shorts that are too small to properly cover ‘you know what’ and the women’s attire is never complained about.”
Don’t go there, Robert. Even if you win with that defense, you lose. And hardly anybody’s even in the hallways when he delivers the papers, Kortenhaus said. “The facts are that there was only one occasion when another person was in the lobby area at 5:30 to 6 a.m. who saw me sorting the papers — he being an older man with poor eyesight,” Kortenhaus said. Kortenhaus has asked for a hearing on the matter, but says the condo’s board of directors won’t entertain an appeal. So he’s weighing his other options.Plan “A” was to seek arbitration with the Division of Florida Condominiums. But he figured that might be a big waste of time and effort.
Which led him to Plan “B,” which was contacting me. “I was wondering if a reverse psychology, humorous article written by you would be enough to move or embarrass them into changing their position on this matter,” he said. “I doubt it,” I told Kortenhaus. I advised him to go to his Plan “C”: Delivering the newspapers in a slingshot-style Speedo bathing suit. “If they are of the belief that a normal bathing suit is offensive, wait until they see me in a Speedo!” he said.Now, you’re talking, Robert. As for a color, I’d go with the nuclear option right from the start: banana yellow.
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